I Hate Myself For Loving You
by LolaCherryColaGirl
Summary: Anamaria hates herself for loving the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. But she can’t break free from the things that he does. Songfic. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing whatsoever. Neither Pirates Of The Caribbean characters nor Joan Jett's song 'I Hate Myself For Loving You'

**A/N: **Okay, well this is a songfic. And it's the first time I write POTC, so please review to let me know how I did… And that's it, I think. What's written in _italic _is lyrics from the song.

**Summary: **Anamaria hates herself for loving the infamous _Captain _Jack Sparrow. But she can't break free from the things that he does.

**I Hate Myself For Loving You**

A light breeze was softly caressing Anamaria's cheeks and exposed arms this hot, tropical night. Unfortunately it also brought with it the unquestionably stench that belonged to the port that was Tortuga.

The female pirate shifted her weight from her right foot to her left, her dark, brown, almond-shaped eyes darted to the town-clock; _Midnight! _Jack was supposed to have met her half an hour ago. She felt herself _getting uptight. _She turned to enter the pub, alone, mentally slapping herself for being so stupid she'd expected him to show up on time.

"_Where are you?" _she muttered to no one in particular.

The bar-owner could tell she was in need of rum as he saw her usually beautiful features turned into an annoyed, almost aggressive scowl.

Time passed as Anamaria chatted with the bar-owner, his young barmaid and various drunks who approached her. Sooner or later mayhems of fights would break out, she knew it and she went outside as the first punches were thrown and bottles were wrecked.

Once outside she was met with a sight that both upset and pleased her; her lover's unmistakably profile, uneasily walking closer to her. The long, black hair, that her fingers had been tangled in so many times in moments of pure bliss and passion, fell graciously on his shoulders and she felt her anger fade away as his full lips formed the charming grin she and many other women knew far too well. His seducing, devilishly chocolate eyes locked with hers as he widened his arms waiting for her to step into his embrace like always.

'Not this time.' Anamaria told herself and she felt her eyes judge him, and her nose rise slightly into the air as she said _"You said you'd meet me, now it's a quarter to two!"_

She could've slapped him. She would've slapped him actually, but something was holding her back. She wasn't quite sure what it was.

Captain Jack Sparrow took a surprised step back, but kept grinning all the same "Aww, and you're still hanging around here, luv? I'm touched." He attempted to step closer again but her words stopped him.

"_I know I'm hanging!" _She began gloomily. Jack didn't know how to respond; his dear vixen Anamaria usually never acted like this. His shoulders tensed, this was how Scarlet could've acted, but Anamaria typically would just forget and forgive. It's not like they were exclusive or engaged.

Suddenly his vixen was in his arms and he felt his shoulders relax again. Her breath was hot against his ear _"But I'm still wanting you!" _his mouth curved into a lustful smile as his hands dropped lower on her body.

Anamaria knew this was a stupid move, but the sensations his roaming hands were causing made her believe it couldn't be _completely _stupid. That was until she smelled a woman's perfume on his neck, right below his ear on the spot she'd discovered was his most sensitive, that didn't belong to her.

She pulled away from his dangerously skilled hands, and wondered why this bothered her so much. She'd known for a long time they weren't exclusive. In Tortuga even the worst rumors had some truth to them, so of course the one's concerning Jack was almost all true.

Anamaria looked up and realized her hand was still lying on his rough cheek, itching from the stubbles on it. His dark eyes were clearly asking her what was wrong.

"_Hey Jack it's a fact they're talking in town." _She began and huffed; men were always guilty of making the mistake to tell at least one person when they'd bedded a girl. _"I turn my back and you're messing around." _ Her eyes darted away from his. She didn't want him to see that she was actually hurt by his actions.

"Are you jealous, luv?" Jack had the nerve to smile 'Females!' he thought. He barely had time to finish the thought before Anamaria burst out _"I'm not being jealous!" _she crossed her arms and hoped she didn't resemble a child too much _"Don't like looking like a clown!" _

As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them; Jack would begin to treat her like he treated Scarlet or Giselle, because she sounded like those two now. She'd made the mistake of thinking she was actually important in Jack Sparrows promiscuous life.

Anamaria turned and ran back to the inn she was staying at before Jack even had time to respond.

0o0

_I think of you every night and day, you took my heart and you took my pride away._

0o0

It was her hurting eyes that awoke Anamaria the next morning. Covering her mouth with her hand to stifle a yawn she reluctantly opened her right eye "_Daylight." _she mumbled bitterly. That was what had been hurting her eyes.

She knew right away she definitely wasn't happy but not before the memories of last night were clear did she turn to lie on her stomach so she could hide her reddening head in the pillow.

When lack of oxygen became a problem she lifted her head and gasped quickly before resting her head on the pillow once again. She was facing the nightstand next to the bed and for several, quiet minutes she stared and the neglected candle on it. Like she was hoping it would somehow provide her with the answers she needed.

Several minutes later the candle still hadn't provided any answers, but now firm knocks sounded on her door. Anamaria was about to yell for whoever it was to go away or even to hell, when none other than Jack Sparrow entered her room.

She didn't have time to anything but tighten her hands around her covers and let out a surprised gasp, before he started talking "I don't know if you noticed luv, that I _spent the night without you._" He grinned at her.

She raised her chin defiantly "I did." She wasn't sure what to do or say now so she simply lay back in the bed, quietly observing Jack shrugging his jacket of his shoulders, placing his large hat on the chair and slowly approaching her bed with a look like a predator in his eyes.

His gold tooth caught her eye when he opened his mouth to huskily whisper _"But I've been dreaming about the loving you do."_ His eyes were undressing her, as his hands were actually undressing him.

Anamaria was fighting to keep her cool and keep her hands steady and to herself as he hoarsely demanded "Kiss me."

She fought down a shiver "Why should I?"

He crept naked into her bed, and although she scooted away from him this time she couldn't prevent herself from trembling. He was too handsome for his own good. "_I won't be as angry about the hell you put me through."_ Jack answered her question, brushing his soft lips against her exposed shoulder.

She decided that two could play that game and ran her hands up the length of him, this time causing him to tremble and groan _"Hey man, bet you can treat me right." _Her grip tightened slightly _"You just don't know what you were missing last night."_

He rolled them over so that he was on top her, and assaulted her neck and ear with his hot tongue "Show me what I missed." He pleaded. Slowly he raised his head and looked over the bridge of his noise down on her face as she thought _'I wanna see your face and say 'Forget it' just from spite, _but instead I should be honest.'

"I love you, Jack."

He pulled back from her immediately. Of course it wasn't the first time a beautiful girl lying naked in her bed had said those words to him, but Anamaria had never said them and no one had ever told it to him like that. With such regret.

"_I hate myself for loving you, can't break free from the things that you do. I wanna walk, but I run back to you. That's why I hate myself for loving you." _She softly explained, all the while avoiding his eyes.

0o0

He had left. She knew he would. He'd left her with one painfully honest, deep kiss to remember him by. As if she would ever forget him. And now she stood here at the dock, watching him proudly sail the Black Pearl away from Tortuga, away from her.

_You took my heart and then you took my pride away._

**A/N: **Is it completely horrible? I hope not. Please leave me a review to let me know.

X X X LolaCherryColaGirl


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